Wednesday, January 30, 2019

On Writing - The Grouping Syndrome


I have never been much of a joiner, whether it be social, professional, or fraternal organizations. Many beginning writers I’ve known, however, were just the opposite. They attended every conference and joined every writers club or professional guild they could find. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it takes up time that might be better spent writing.

Legend has it that writers are a lonely bunch. And, for the most part, that legend is true. Because our profession requires intense concentration, we often work in isolation, unable to regularly enjoy the comradeship of our peers. It is for this reason, I believe, that many writers become group-oriented when there are groups to join. I once joined a small fiction writers group, and found the experience to be worthwhile. The four of us would gather once every two weeks and read our fiction to the others for criticism. This worked out fine until I found that the obligation to come up with fiction to read every two weeks was interfering with my ability to meet editorial deadlines.

I have since retired from journalism and now write only fiction, so I no longer have to deal with strict deadlines. And, today, were I able to find other local writers as talented and knowledgeable as the ones in that early group, I would jump at the chance to resume those biweekly gatherings. Unfortunately, although I know many who would qualify, they are spread all over the country, making physical meetings impossible.

I still enjoy the company of other writers and editors, but having become somewhat geographically isolated in my old age, those relationships are, of necessity, carried on by phone, e-mail, or through social media. There are a few I communicate with sporadically, plus a small group of critical readers (you know who you are) that provide invaluable commentary and advice on my novels as they evolve. And there is an even smaller group of old writer friends, from whom I occasionally seek advice on story ideas, the ever-evolving rules of writing, or the complexities of publishing and marketing. But when it comes to large writers clubs or associations, I don’t indulge.

Early in my journalistic career, I attended a few meetings of such clubs, and found that the majority of their members tended to do a lot more talking than writing. One thing that amazed me was that so many of the attendees of such meetings had never submitted their work to an editor, or even attempted to self-publish. Instead, they were content with complaining about how tough the publishing world was for new writers. I don’t dispute that fact; far from it. With the proliferation of free or low-cost electronic publishing, the competition is far greater than it has ever been. However, complaining about it and commiserating with others is of little or no value to anyone who aspires to become a professional writer. Occasionally, if a club or association brought in a guest speaker that I believed might be interesting or helpful, I would attend a meeting, but I did not have the extra time to stand around discussing the pains of writing or the idiocy of editors.

Informal writing courses, conducted outside a traditional college or university setting, are another thing I see as borderline when it comes to aiding a writer’s career. Before I became a professional journalist, I took a couple of these courses at local community colleges and found them to be little more than ego-support groups (something that is not all that bad for severely rejected writers in the early stages of their careers). The instructors can be anyone from a published author or journalist who happens to live nearby, to someone who has placed three articles in non-paying publications and is trying to supplement their income. In the latter case, you may be subjected to a lot of misinformation, as these ‘teachers’ no doubt get most of their material from conjecture, not experience. If they are gleaning information from books on how to write, those books are available to you as well, and a newcomer to the profession will have little practical experience to add.

If your goal is more social than professional, then by all means, join as many writers groups as you can find. If, on the other hand, your goal is to learn from true, critical evaluation, I recommend you stick mainly to small groups of writers whose intelligence you admire and whose opinions about your own writing are expressed honestly and without reservation.



Wednesday, January 16, 2019

On Writing Writer's Block

It may sound clichéd, but one of the ways I get over writer’s block is simply to write. I know you’re probably thinking this is a copout on a difficult subject, but bear with me for a moment while I explain.

If I’m stuck at some point in a novel, wondering how to write what happens next, I stew over it for a while, and if nothing comes of that, I sit down at the computer and start writing anything I can think of. This could be nonsensical gibberish, a description of the scene outside my window, or a news report that has angered me—anything so long as it has nothing whatsoever to do with the novel I’m working on. The process of writing without the pressure of having to create some clever part of a story can jump start things, and it almost always seems to work.

I also practice meditation, which sometimes helps me unblock. Meditation is not, as some mistakenly believe, a mystical or difficult thing to learn. A Google search will produce dozens, if not hundreds of methods to choose from, and I am certainly not qualified to teach the practice. But I can explain what I do, which is pretty simple.

I first try to find a quiet spot where I can sit comfortably without distraction, and I begin by concentrating on my breathing until it is deep and steady. Then I repeat a mantra over and over for about 20 minutes. My mind wanders, and whenever I realize this, I return to thinking about my mantra. I was told that a mantra could be any word or short phrase I chose, and mine is a sort of nonsensical combination of letters suggested by the friend who first instructed me. Repeating a mantra works kind of like when you are trying hard to remember something and can’t until you stop trying. Then, while you’re thinking about something else, the thing you were trying to remember suddenly pops into your mind, seemingly out of nowhere.

Another method I use is something I discovered accidentally. I was working on my second novel, when a good friend wrote to ask how things were going. I began my reply by admitting I was stuck, then went on to explain where I was in the story and where I had originally planned to go from there. After writing about 500 words of explanation, I realized I was actually fleshing out the plot and answering many of the questions that had stopped me in my tracks. That reply was far too long to bore my friend with, so I did some editing and sent him a brief synopsis of what I had written. But before I did this, I saved the longer version, and when I went back to work on the novel, I was able to pick up where I’d left off, following the roadmap I’d developed while composing the answer to my friend’s question.  

The most important thing about dealing with writer’s block is to not start thinking it will last forever, because that kind of despair will only serve to exacerbate the problem. I’ve known dozens of writers personally, and I have never run across a single one who came down with a terminal case of writer’s block. Nor have I ever heard of a successful or famous writer whose career ended for that reason.

As with hiccups, there are many different suggested remedies for overcoming writer’s block, some of which (like mine) might sound silly or bizarre to the average person. What works for one may not work for another, but eventually you will figure it out, especially if you understand that it won’t last forever. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

God Clarifies Don't Kill Rule

Today, responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other.

“Look, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the recent mass shooting. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”

Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called “an unending cycle of violence.”

“I don’t care what religion or political persuasion you subscribe to, or who you think your enemies are, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else’s, ever again.”

The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by a deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the recent increase in hate and violence around the globe.

“I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you’d get it straight,” said God. “But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody’s spouting off some nonsense about, ‘God says I have to kill this guy,’ or ‘God wants me to kill those kids,’ or ‘We’re God’s chosen race so anyone who doesn’t look like us must die.’ It’s not God’s will, all right? News flash: ‘God’s will’ equals ‘Don’t murder people!’”

Many of the worst violators claim their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur’an. God admits that can be a problem . . .


“To be honest,” God said, “I have to admit there’s some contradictory stuff in there, okay? I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal crap. I turn My head for a second and all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and, suddenly, everybody thinks it’s God’s will to kill anyone in the LGBTQ community. It absolutely drives Me up the wall. And I don’t even believe in walls.”

God praised the overwhelming majority of His followers as “wonderful, pious people,” calling the perpetrators of the murders rare exceptions.

“The vast majority of people in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists and racial supremacists, just like the vast majority of Christians in America are angered by all those gun-toting, bigoted right-wing nutcases.”

Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: “Can’t you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different cultures and religious traditions out there, but the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism ... every religious belief system under the sun says you’re supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It’s not that hard a concept to grasp.

“Why would you think I’d want anything else? Humans don’t need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other ... you’ve been doing that without any help from Me since you were apes! The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get?

“I’m talking to all of you, here!” He continued, His voice rising to a shout. “Do you hear Me? I don’t want you to kill anybody. I’m against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don’t kill each other anymore—ever! I’m absolutely serious!”

Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent and stood quietly at the podium for several moments.

Then, witnesses reported, God’s shoulders began to shake, and He wept.



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