Where Pets Came From

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to that age-old question: "Where did pets come from?"

One day, Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to be happy all by ourselves."

And God said, "No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and will be loyal to you no matter how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be. This new companion will accept you as you are and will love you, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel approached the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem. I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. This companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

The Brits Love Their Pets

According to a recent study of 2,000 British cat and dog owners, more than half prefer spending time with their pets over spending time with other humans. Why? Because they don’t nag, never talk back and are always in a good mood. Not only that, but more than a third prefer their pets to their partners, saying their pet is a better listener, while 45-percent like the fact they are never judged or questioned by their cat or dog. In addition, a surprising 29-percent say their four-legged friend is better at snuggling, and 44-percent would rather cuddle up with them than they would with their better half.

“Whilst some of the findings of this research are on the surface rather surprising, what they actually demonstrate is just how much we Brits love our pets and why they’re such an important part of our families,” said Hannah Edwards, Senior Marketing Manager for Freshpet, which carried out the research using OnePoll.com. “Whether that means using our four-legged friends as a sounding board for our problems, cuddling up with them on the sofa in a quiet moment, or simply spending quality time with them and enjoying their unconditional love, it’s clear that our beloved pets mean the world to us ... even more at times than our life partners. Shockingly, when faced with the decision to choose a pet or a partner, 14-percent would rather spend the rest of their life with their pet.”

And if you think my photo-composited image above is a joke, you should know that once, on a visit to The Gambia in West Africa, the Queen was actually given a crocodile as a pet for Prince Andrew.